Shawn Bolz Does Google Cold Reading at The Send as Holy Spirit Takes a Nap

Shawn Bolz Does Google Cold Reading at The Send as Holy Spirit Takes a Nap

(Dateline, Orlando, FL, Mar. 5th, 2019) In a recent press conference, the Holy Spirit spoke about events at The Send, in Orlando, FL on Feb. 23, 2019. “After so many hours of hypnotic, mid-tempo, repetitive music I just had to lay down and close my eyes for a few minutes,” said the Holy Spirit in a somewhat apologetic tone. “Well, that few minutes turned into several hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. I must’ve really needed the rest after being conjured up repeatedly throughout the day.” A reporter from Charisma Magazine asked Him, “How did Shawn Bolz get such an accurate word of knowledge about Dennis Melnichuk if you weren’t even awake to feed him the information?” The Third Person of the Trinity shifted uncomfortably in His chair for a moment before replying plainly, “Mr. Bolz did what was necessary under the conditions of the moment: he got a few names off of the The Send registration list and did a quick Google search to retrieve pertinent information for the purpose of building up the saints. Did you see Mr. Melnichuk flopping around like Kermit the Frog? That’s a move of Me: The Holy Spirit.”

Kermit the Frog YAY! Arm flail original

Shawn Bolz. Reactions to Words of knowledge in stadium of 70,000!

After a few whispered gasps could be heard, an awkward pause filled the pressroom as everyone considered the gravity of the situation. A young reporter from the Orlando Examiner asked Him, “Sir, please forgive me if my question is out of line, but basically you’re saying that Shawn Bolz lied… and, and, he pretended to get supernatural help from you when it was really just information he found online? How is that okay?”

The Sovereign God of the Universe seemed unfazed by the confrontational, yet legitimate, question. He answered without hesitation, “Look, here’s how this works: I’m a busy guy, I’m doing stuff for people all day long, so I’m not gonna sit here and apologize for anything. These people wanted to see a “sign from God” and they got exactly what they wanted. I’m all about results, and Shawn Bolz got results.” As if He was energized by His newly-found transparency He continued, “Do any of you people have any idea what it’s like to be shouted at all day long? Have you ever had a stadium full of people begging and pleading for you to do stuff all day long? In the hot Florida sun?? No, you haven’t. I was exhausted, I took a nap, Mr. Bolz did the right thing to appease the sign-seekers, and everyone was happy. In fact, they’re still happy! Even after they learn that the whole thing was fake they refuse to believe it because they like it so much. I call that a success. No more questions.”

The Holy Spirit then made His way to leave, taking with Him a large glass of freshly-squeezed Florida orange juice. The roomful of reporters began to lightly applaud as Benny Hinn pulled up in his gold-plated Ferrari to provide taxi service, as the two were reportedly on their way to attend Lou Engle’s “Kundalini Workout Program.” Mr. Hinn could be heard to say “watch out-this thing doesn’t have cup holders!” as the two sped off, making their way through the Orlando traffic.


 

Here’s the video from 2016 where Dennis Melnichuk gives most of the details that Shawn Bolz could easily access to perform his “prophetic word:”

Here are some screenshots from Dennis Melnichuk’s Facebook page and Awakening Generation website, where his other personal details are easy to find and use as cold reading information:

DennisFB1.jpg
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Here’s a brief video that shows how ridiculously easy it is to use social media to pretend you have psychic powers:

And the Lord said to me: “The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I did not send them, nor did I command them or speak to them. They are prophesying to you a lying vision, worthless divination, and the deceit of their own minds.
— Jeremiah 14:14
An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?
— Jeremiah 5:30-31
If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, ‘Let us go after other gods,’ which you have not known, ‘and let us serve them,’ you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the Lord your God is testing you, to know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
— Deuteronomy 13:1-3
They have seen false visions and lying divinations. They say, ‘Declares the Lord,’ when the Lord has not sent them, and yet they expect him to fulfill their word.
— Ezekiel 13:6
Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.
— Lamentations 2:14
His watchmen are blind; they are all without knowledge; they are all silent dogs; they cannot bark, dreaming, lying down, loving to slumber. The dogs have a mighty appetite; they never have enough. But they are shepherds who have no understanding; they have all turned to their own way, each to his own gain, one and all.
— Isaiah 56:10-11
I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears.
— Acts 20:29-31
See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.
— Colossians 2:8
For false Christs and false prophets will arise and perform signs and wonders, to lead astray, if possible, the elect.
— Mark 13:22
And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ You leave the commandment of God and hold to the tradition of men.” And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition!
— Mark 7:6-9

Steven Kozar started The Messed Up Church; he is an artist, musician, blogger and stuff.